I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
