I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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