So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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