Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
