saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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