You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
