Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
