Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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