his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
