My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
