I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
