Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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