3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
