you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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