You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
