My nipple is on Facebook.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
