she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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