I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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