her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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