I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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