Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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