I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
