No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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