You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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