break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
