I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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