His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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