Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
