I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this beer tastes like vomit already
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
