So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
