dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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