My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
