so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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