Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I will be naked everywhere
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
