my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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