Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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