So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
