a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
