so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
