Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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