saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just pee around me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
