From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
