you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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