Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
