I wish my penis had an off switch
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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