At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
