she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
