Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hippo gnu deer
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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