Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
