I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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