She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
