If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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