I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He shit in the fireplace
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
