he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
