i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
