she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
