Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
