Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
