Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
