Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize