This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
