i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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