So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
