we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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