I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
