It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
