my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
