I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
