@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
