I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
