So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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