if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
