That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
