I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
