im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
