Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
