just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
