I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
