I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
